3:16 PM

Lately I have been doing some pondering.  How many of the things I thought were going to happen in my life, have actually happened? 

I am a planner.  And by planner I mean control freak.  I like to know where and when things are going to happen.  Who will be there and why and what should I be bringing.  I'm sure this annoys Ryan to no end, but I have this pressing need to know everything.  (He knew this before he married me, don't worry.)  There's nothing wrong with that right?

Well, after teaching a lesson in Relief Society on faith almost two months ago I have been thinking about faith non-stop.  I started to notice the small things that required faith that you don't normally even think about.  They didn't even have to be church related.  I noticed faith in every lesson in church, every talk given, every testimony, and even in every prayer I heard being offered.  I never though about how much faith we exercise on a daily basis.  

Then I started to wonder why did this lesson have such a huge impact on me?  Faith seems basic enough, right?  What lesson am I suppose to be learning from this?  

This is where my pondering came into play.  How many things I thought were going to happen in my life, have actually happened?  Well I would say almost all of them.  But then how many events were out of my control?  It seems like until now, only a handful of events were completely out of my control...like would I get accepted to college, would I get hired for a specific job etc.  Here is where my faith lesson comes in. 

Now, for the first time in our married lives, we have hardly any control over anything.  We don't know where we will be going to grad school, or where we will be living, or where we will get a job.  Everything we are doing now requires faith to know that somehow things will work themselves out.  And I hate it.  I hate not knowing where we will be moving in April..or even if we will be moving!  I hate that I don't know if I'll be able to find a job, or start up school or have children without going completely broke.  I hate that we don't know where Ryan will be going to school or if we will be able to find a job in his field with this lovely economy.  Sigh.  If I think about this too much I know I won't be able to sleep soundly ever again.  But somehow I do sleep soundly because I keep noticing how we are exercising our faith by paying our tithing, doing our callings, Ryan studying hard for the GRE and finishing his applications.  Everything we are doing each day helps us to exercise our faith and rely more fully on the Lord.  And it is HARD!  The ulcer in my stomach is telling me I'm not the greatest at exercising faith yet, but I'm learning.  I can't be a control freak when it comes to the Lord.  Look at me...I'm growing!  

I know that everything will work out just fine in the future.  I really do.  Even my ulcer knows that.  I'm even a little bit grateful I'm learning patience and learning not to be as much of a control freak.  I think Ryan is pretty happy about that too.             

9:35 AM

Ryan and I made the trek to Park City with Emily and Derek this weekend.  We decided to celebrate mine and Derek's birthday a little late this year and get a hotel in PC.  But not just any hotel...The Waldorf Astoria!!  They had great deals because it's the off season and when you split a good deal between two couples it makes it that much sweeter!  The hotel was seriously amazing.  It brought back memories of my stays in Palm Springs for work.  Sigh.  I was in heaven.   
Here is Ryan feeling the softest blanket in the world.  Seriously.

Hehehe.  He was being silly.

The very useful wetbar which Em and I used for our make-up and hair supplies.

The bathroom was soooo pretty!

I want this headboard.

While we waited for Derek to get there (he was taking a test) we hung out at the fire pit and relaxed.  Ryan and I sat in the hot tub in the morning and it was perfect.  It was quiet and peaceful and you felt like you were the only people alive.  The mountains and the view were gorgeous. 

Can you see Ryan's head in the fire?  He thought this was clever :)  Overall the weekend was a blast.  I slept a little bit better knowing I was surrounded in luxury...if only for one night.  Though I think that would get old after a while it is fun to play dress up and pretend every once and a while.  Happy birthday to us! 

7:40 PM

Has your entire face from your eyeballs to your chin ever been numb before?  Mine has...well is numb as I type.  Let me start from the beginning.

My teeth have never been the greatest.  Sure I got braces and used the whitening strips but the actual strength of my teeth...total crap.  For now I will be blaming that on genetics, but no matter, my teeth have been less than stellar since I was a kid.  (We are leaving the buckets of candy I consumed as a child out of this conversation.)  What a surprise after avoiding the dentist for 6 years that I have 7 cavities.  One for each year I was a bad girl for not getting a check-up and an additional one because that is how my life goes.  After scouting out a few dentist I chose a dentist close to my work who was the most reasonably priced and who several of my co-workers go to as well.  I promise I did my homework.

The dental assistant who took me back seemed nice enough.  She wasn't into small talk (thank goodness) and asked me to set down my things and sit in the chair.  

"Do you want gas?" she asked.
"Um...I've never had the nitrous...I drove myself so it's probably not a good idea."
"Oh everyone looooves the gas.  It's the best.  It wears off about 2 minutes after we take the mask off.  It makes the procedure feel like it went very fast.  You should be fine to drive home no problem"
    "Yeah I'm not really sure I want it."
"Oh and it's free.  The doctors just want you to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible."
"Ok.  I guess it can't hurt."

As she put the mask on my I started to feel my toes tingle and my hands get super heavy.  I can already tell that I am going to hate the gas.  The dental assistant puts in 4 sticks of that nasty crap to get your mouth numb before the shots and lets me sit there and "relax" while the gas really starts taking effect.  Soon a male assistant came in with the needle.  He was very polite and seemed genuinely interested in my well-being which I appreciated.  I told him I couldn't move my hands and he just laughed.  Inside I was starting to panic, but he seemed competent and nice so I figured he would know if my body was starting to fall apart or not.  He was great with the shots because I didn't feel a thing.  He gave me 9 shots...yep nine!  As he did them I could start to feel my right cheek...then nose and bottom of my ear get numb.  Then to the left side.  Same thing.  By the time the doctor got in I felt like I had had lip injections and a million bees stings on my face.  I of course kept touching my face to see that it was still there.
What is up with the dentists wanting to talk to you when they know that it is physically impossible to understand anything I am saying!  He starts asking me questions about my teeth and of course I am spitting and drooling up a storm.  Very sexy.  He asks if I'm numb and I nod and say, "Is it normal to not feel your nose?"
He paused and then patted my head and laughed.  He obviously couldn't understand a word I was saying.  Reassuring.

The drilling began with what I will call the pixie drill.  No one likes the sound of a dentist's drill but this drill seemed harmless with it's high pitched squealing.  My mouth wouldn't open wide enough for him to drill properly because I am so numb so he told me he's going to tilt the chair a little.  By a little he means we are going to do the procedure with me upside down.  But I am floating on cloud nine with that stupid gas and now all of the blood is rushing to my brain and my toes are tingling even worse.  I hear him change drills and he says my head is going to feel some shaking.  Bring in the jack-hammer drill.  This drill is not messing around.  I can see flecks of my teeth flying in the air until one lands on my forhead.  Nice.  I of course need to swallow every 5 seconds since all my saliva is collecting in the back of my throat.  When I do finally swallow all I taste is cement.  No wait...that's probably my tooth dust they are grinding that I'm tasting.  Seriously what is that girl assistant doing!  Where is my suction!  But again...I don't care because I couldn't even lift my finger if I wanted to.  I am fighting my body to stay awake and I finally just muster all of my strength to take off the gas but they just put it back on and I can't talk with 5 thousand instruments in my mouth.  Grunting was seriously too much effort.  So I laid there.  After about an hour the dentist asked me to bite down and grind my teeth.  I couldn't even feel my teeth.  Is that normal?  He said that the bite is probably not right but just come in tomorrow and they will fix it.  Oh ok...I'll just take more time off work to fix something we could fix now.  Brilliant.  

As the bright light turned off they sat me up and removed the gas mask.  I felt like an anvil had fallen on my face.  Oh and I couldn't see.  Yep.  I only had double vision.  I started to panic.  I tried to say something but drool was my only form of communication.  The girl asked if I was ok and I shook my head back and forth.  I tried to speak and after 3 attempts she understood that I had double vision.  She said it's normal to be dizzy.  Okay...but I wasn't dizzy...I said I had double vision.  She said to take deep breaths and it will go away within a few minutes.  They came back to check on me and my vision had not improved.  I waited another 10 minutes and still nothing.  They then put me on straight oxygen and said it should be out of my system soon.  My left side was starting to improve but my right side was still super blurry.  The girl came back in and asked if I wanted some water.  Seriously?  Seriously!?  I can't talk...how in the world would I drink without drowning myself.  Idiot.  After waiting almost 30 minutes I was starting to see clearly enough and it was getting dark so I started the trek home with a hope and a prayer.

I am still completely numb over 3 hours later.  Good thing I ate a balance bar before going because it doesn't look like I'll be getting any dinner tonight.  Here's hoping for no residual effects from the nitrous and that I will be able to feel my face in the morning.  

1:12 PM

Here are a few pictures from the BYU game we went to when Mark was here to visit.  Well, he was actually here on business, but we were lucky enough to spend some good quality time together.  
We were not deterred by the rain.  Thank you dollar store ponchos!

It was pretty sweet to be the President's Guests.  We even got free hot chocolate.

Goooooo Cougars! 

Happy and all staying suprisingly dry.  It was so fun to really get into the game, yell and scream and boo the refs.   

Thanks Mark for the tickets!  BYU won which put us all in a good mood and we went home to take a nap to celebrate. The weekend was too short but we made some good memories.

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